I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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