I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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