piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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