so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
