that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
