It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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