On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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