but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
