So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize