i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
