No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
