Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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