She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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