you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
