piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
