I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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