How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
