I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
