there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize