i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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