Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
