I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
