Where did you get a picture of my penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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