I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
