i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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