hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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