I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
