i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
