Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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