I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
