Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize