There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
where am i from again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
