It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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