He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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