it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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