Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its not stalking. its research.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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