It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
