she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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