i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
