Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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