Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
