I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
