doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
