guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize