Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
