I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
