I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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