Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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