Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
