Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
