i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
