remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
