go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want her autograph on my taint
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
