dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
