Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
