12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Drunk is not a location!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
