Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
