Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize