Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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