i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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