i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize