Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We have started to decorate penises.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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