Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
