When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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