doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
