Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
